Is 26/11 = 9/11 ?

Mathematics and numbers have been used to explain the inexplicable, to make sense of what isn’t, to provide coordinates for those lost. The recent Mumbai attacks have also spawned a mathematical model – that of equating the 26/11 attacks on Mumbai to the events of 9/11.

This unnecessary ‘me – too’ Indian mentality keeps raising its ugly head at increasingly frequent intervals. The need to show the world (be it with the Chandrayan Lunar Mission) or to transform a city into something else, or to constantly proclaim that Indians have joined the Forbes list indicates that we really have nothing to flaunt in our show-cases. The need to get validation from others or to validate ourselves amongst our own people means that we are still snotty nosed kids.

To even try to equate 9/11 to the 26/11 attacks of Mumbai is to do injustice to India. Unless off course we Indians think that our country has done more than its fair share to destabilise the world, prop up puppet dictators, over throw democratically elected regimes and invade countries. Maybe we haven’t done things on an international scale but as a country we have not fared too badly either.

9/11 was a result of those disaffected by Americas global footprint. There are enough reasons nationally for 26/11 to have occurred - L.K Advani and Babri Masjid, Modi and the Gujarat Pogrom, the ongoing humanitarian disasters of Kashmir and the North East, warped development and economic growth strategies provide enough grist for the mill. (There is now another reason – the Pak army doesn’t want to deal with outlaw Pakistanis helping Bin Laden so they schemed to get the Indian army on alert which would mean that they would have to shift their focus from the Afghanistan border to the Indian one)

As has been seen in the past the media plays the role of whipping up sentiments, they are almost as good as Goebble. In some ways they are better, they not only provide information that gives rise to these sentiments but are also kind enough to provide a vent for them. After the 26/11 attacks print and electronic media have gone out of their way to make hay – besides interviewing all and sundry media have begun initiatives like ‘Citizens Against Terror’, ‘Declare war on Terror’, online polls and debates ranging from new anti-terror laws to ‘How can India maintain unity in its fight against terror?'. While others use 26/11 to suggest draconian laws and put forth their ideas of the need for higher levels of nationalism.

What the media has been doing is that it is feeding off public outcry, the greater the outcry the more the media gives in. Thus instead of creating informed debates and generating information that provides solutions to a frustrated public who could then make informed demands, the media provides crumbs and manufactures events, debates and crisis.

But it is not only the media, intelligent people like Ratan Tata, Bajaj and heads of various chambers of commerce have also shown scant regard for the situation. They have all used different words for an anti-terror law and ‘stronger leadership’. This does not come as a surprise when Tata has been quoted as saying that those not investing in Gujarat are fools. He then put his money where his mouth was – albeit because of the situation in Singur.

Post 26/11 there is a sense of shame tinged with helplessness, a feeling echoed by Bajaj who said “This is a shame on our government that they cannot provide citizens with the basic security. We are tired of hearing Jaipur, Ahmedabad, Bangalore, Malegaon, Delhi and the commercial capital. This is not acceptable.” And to overcome this feeling people are demanding that India attack Pakistan, others promise not to vote or pay taxes, while others are willing to give up privacy for the notion of safety.

It would not be incorrect to club the current swell of sentiment to that felt after the Babri Masjid, Gujarat pogroms, or when industries are set up without due process.

Suggestions on how to make India a safe place are coming thick and fast, demands for better equipment, more respect and pay for the armed forces, an overhaul of the intelligence system are being bandied around. Maybe an apology from L K Advani for the Babri Masjid demolition and from Narendra Modi for the Gujarat pogroms would reduce some of the reasons given by those bent on causing pain, suffering and upheaval.

The Electric Mosquito Swatter (EMS)

To the pacifist this is a weapon of war; to others it is just another way to ensure what is theirs’ remains with them. Having donated blood a few times I have come to appreciate that blood donation is a voluntary act, it is not a two way process, further there are no detrimental impacts to the donor. I would not call a mosquito nonchalantly landing on my skin to feast on my blood as voluntary blood donation, okay even if I were to allow it to; it would feel obligated to exchange diseases like Dengue, Malaria, Chickengunia things I do not care for.

What is worse with the mosquito is that it announces its presence much before it actually sits down to eat. The whine of a mosquito making a pass at a ‘meal’ is enough to get the ‘meal’ clapping with the hope that the mosquito magically gets sandwiched between the hands. But invariably what happens is that the meal just hurts himself as the mosquito deftly dodges the hands. What adds insult to injury is when the hand misses the mosquito absorbed in its bloody business on another part of the body.

The EMS, pictured here, is an instrument that solves a problem before it becomes one. It changes the rules of engagement by making the user more proactive.
It would make George Bush and Advani extremely happy as with the EMS the user can ‘hot-pursuit’ the target all over. The user could also use stealth and guile - acting as bait to draw the mosquito and then using the EMS when the mosquito is in reach, this in-effect means that the EMS can be used to create a no-fly-zone and enforce it.

The EMS gives grace to an unpleasant activity. To some this tool provides the much
needed athleticism to an otherwise sedentary lifestyle because the technique for use is badminton like so well captured in the image on the left. Its design also allows the user to adopt more fluid movements that are less stressful than the method pictured above. The movements of Taichi can be moulded into the use of the EMS. As the EMS is not about force but about reach and touch it suits well to the Dao of this system.

Besides the benefits mentioned above the EMS has been found to enhance relationships as it is a gift of concern and one based on empathy. Gifting an EMS is about empowering the other as it provides a painless solution to the user who till then only had a pair of hands and reflexes to deal with the mosquito.

The EMS is a tool of ingenuity as it combines the idea of the regular fly swatter with the broad sweep of a badminton racket. I don’t know what is more ingenious these adaptations or the fact that it was electrified or is it the whole package. I have written this with the EMS by my side not only did it provide me the requisite inspiration but it helped me enforce a no-fly-zone.

Proving a point

Today’s paper (Times of India 15 Nov. 08) stated that the Army officer who was instrumental in detonating a bomb that killed 6 and injured 101 in Malegaon did it to prove a point. The point being that the Hindus now could also act like the Islamist jihadi’s and blow up a few people. Being the democracy we are, with the ethos of absorbing and learning from others this right wing Hindu colonel went and asked the jihadis for help in assembling and placing the bombs around town/mosques (mosques were not acceptable to the jihadists though). What greater example of democracy, collaboration, respect, attempting to provide equal opportunities can there be today than this - two opposing right wing militant groups come together to share experiences and learning’s to destroy the country.

Both sides have a common cause or a common grouse. They both feel that history has been unkind to them and they are now beholden to right these wrongs by creating a land where the other is absent or not apparently present. The Right Wing Hindus suck on the lemon of being constantly attacked by Muslims centuries ago, worse still the current governments are handing out freebies to Muslims even after they ruled for so long. The modern Right Wing Muslim has a more recent grouse - the Babri Masjid demolition and the Gujarat Pogrom.

So both have grouses and they both are trying to prove a point. What the Right Wing Hindus usually try to prove is that Muslims and others should acknowledge the munificence of the Hindus and therefore show humility and respect. The other point they are trying to prove is that the only way to get back to the golden period of India is to regress as a country. However now with the ‘Hindu Bomb’ what the Right Wing Hindu is trying to prove is that they have had enough of the jihadist bombings and government appeasement of Muslims, they can take matters (bombs) into their own hands and can kill and maim just as well as the jihadists.

The point that the jihadist is trying to make is that the government (hindus) have to pay for their crimes because the law is not dealing with the perpetrators of acts against Muslims.

Proving a point is a necessity for those who imagine they are disenfranchised, its something similar to a tantrum thrown by a child. There is this sudden righteous need to say something or do something that brings recognition, draw attention and thus provide meaning to their Right Wing-ness.

This need to prove things is nothing new to fundamentalists and right wingers, Hitler did it in his attempt to establish a thousand year Reich. So it was no surprise that when the BJP came to power the first time, the first thing they did was to detonate a nuclear device. This was done to prove to the world that India was nuclear capable. This was also BJP’s method of blowing the conch to announce their arrival. This of course led Pakistan to prove a point too. Now both countries have proved a point.

‘Proving a point’ is like Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD), it breeds on distrust as it feeds on an unimportant past which results in an unknown and insecure future.

Explaining Ministerial Posts.

What makes a good candidate? From the electoral process it would seem that one of the most important criteria is money. Almost every candidate and his family had assets over a crore. Is money (both in terms of payments and receipts) an important criteria in these politicians getting berths in ministries?

A study of the recently held Karnataka State Elections and the reports of the manner in which people were allocated ministries paint’s an interesting picture.

To the common man it would surely seem that this is so considering how news papers report the allocation of ministries. Certain ministries like revenue, forest and transport are termed ‘lucrative’, such ministries are clubbed with others that go under the nom-de-plume of ‘plum’, ‘prominent’ and ‘much sought after’. A recent news paper report on the portfolio allocation in the Karnataka government contained “First timer to the ministry, Shobha Karandlaje, has been showered a bounty with she being placed in charge of the vast Rural Development, Panchayat Raj and Rural Water Supply”.

To anyone it would seem that the Chief Minister had given this post to her not because of her skills in Rural Development but so that she could ‘make hay while the sun shines’. This may not be far from the truth considering news reports that use terms such as “awarding some key departments” when discussing portfolio allocations.

This is not to say that the head of the government does not choose people according to their qualifications a case in point being Chidambaram. However sometimes politicians also evince interest in certain ministries because they have large businesses connected to them. Thus according to one news paper the Reddy brothers who are also mining magnets were keen to get the mining or forest portfolio. Such interests are explained by news papers as ‘eying the pie’

Though these people would like to put their hands into the coffers, the head of the government sees this as their Achilles Heel. Seat allocation is done on the basis of ‘keeping the coterie happy’, ‘checking growth’ of other politicians and finally ‘horses-for-courses’ where a suitable candidate is found for a particular ministry.

It is unfortunate that we as a public take this type of form-a-government without a whimper. It is not because we have lost faith in the political process, it is because we expect no better from these people. Robert Wright, in his book Nonzero: The Logic of Human Destiny, states “this is why leaders serve public interest; not because they are public spirited, but because neglecting the public welfare can diminish their own welfare’. He goes on to explain that this is seen more in chiefdom's where the chief lacks a monopoly on the legitimate use of force. Handing over portfolios to these politicians in a way legitimises the way they function. So like in the days of yore politicians are actually petty chiefs who gain power to hoard and then distribute largess to keep everybody happy.

Ministers in the last Karnataka government had a field day while they were in power. A news report states that assets of those in the last Karnataka government jumped manifold. The assets of one minister and his wife grew 13 times in the four years he was in power – from Rs 3.76 crores to Rs 49.72 crores. The report states tongue in cheek that in terms of CAGR, assets grew anywhere from 68.42 percent for some to 111.47 percent for others.

So what we actually have is a ménage a trios comprising greedy politicians, unconcerned media and listless public. The media humours itself as it plays with words to describe the corruption, ineptitude and blatant disregard for peoples welfare that the politicians have. The reports in the media only serve to instill a sense of decay amongst the people as they accept this form of politician to be the only one available. The politician off-course has a field day because he is beyond approach and reproach not only because he is thick skinned but also because of the power he and his party wields over everything and everybody.

This form of a ‘welfare-state’ does not work for the common person. The only welfare that occurs is that of those already rich and powerful. There should be norms and a process of vetting that needs to be laid down when ministries are allocated and the norms are not about 'keeping people happy' or 'in their place' or allocating ministries for profit. Suitability for the job should not be narrowed down to the amount that can be usurped, but should depend on the person’s educational qualifications and experience.

Forming governments is not a birthday party where birthday gifts and return gifts are exchanged. Nor is it cattle market where the highest bidder gets prime beef. It is a position of great responsibility and the only focus should be that of the welfare of the public.

The truth behind conversions and climate change.

I have come across some documents about the whole conversion crisis. I would have liked to put this mind blowing stuff on my site but that may kinda jeopardise my future on this fragile earth. So I wont be naming names, places but will surmise this fabulous idea. I hope this will ensure I maintain my current status quo.

The whole conversion issue is actually linked to climate change. The RSS in its foresight not only saw the problems that may arise from climate change but also found its FINAL SOLUTION which they sold to others.

As anybody living on this planet of ours knows - climate change is supposed to be the gravest threat facing us. Weather patterns will change resulting in changes to the agricultural systems. Large amounts of coastal land will be submerged leading to large levels of displacement – which means that there is going to be a lot of human misery and a lot of money to be spent to deal with the situation once it befalls us.

Now there are two ways to solve a problem tackle it before it becomes one or deal it after it becomes unmanageable. To tackle the issue of climate change before it becomes a bigger problem requires changes in lifestyle and the current model of economic development which means we should not be buying those huge SUVS, building those coal fired thermal powered plants and also not promising nuclear energy to be the panacea. But that takes cojones (balls in our language) which political parties don’t have.

So all forms of secularists (pseudo and otherwise) including BJP, Congress I and everyone else came together at a secret conclave (would have liked to tell you where) with a highpriest from the RSS (name withheld for the same reason). He came up with a suggestion that everyone loved – stop people from converting to Christianity and Islam (in the case of Islam it would be ensuring a Uniform Civil Code).

Christians and Muslims are meat eaters, now it is known that the ecological footprint of meat eaters is more than non meat eaters. This is because cattle (all forms) need grass to eat - so forests are cut, also cattle fart a lot of methane a greenhouse gas.

So by reducing the number of meat eaters (christian and muslims) India would be infact killing two birds with one stone. India would still meet its growth requirements with the current coal based system, while the BJP would have reduced the populations of the Christians and Muslims.

So that is why this sudden bogey of conversion and the resulting need to burn churches, rape a few nuns and displace people and the finding of 50 bombs in trees and behind hoardings in Surat. This is all for the greater good of the country. These are being planned in such a way to ensure that India has something to show-case at the next climate meeting in Copenhagen which is the do-or-die event for all countries.

Please don’t quote me on this but the main opposition party after next years election will be the Communists.

NSG and Reservations

Today ( 7th Sept 2008) I have had my fill of India shining. Manmohan Singh stands tall after leading the charge into the cloistered confines of the NSG. While the Congress I is trumpeting their prime ministers victory, the other parties are looking for holes to bury themselves in. But this is what the Congress would have done too, if they were in opposition.

The Indian Industry sees the NSG waiver as something that is unprecedented and that will help them and the economy as a whole. There is good reason to this, which I shall come to later.

But the fact of the matter is India’s demand of the NSG highlights her Reservation mentality. I make no bones about the fact that I am a product of reservation; the only reason why the college accepted me after my disastrous high school results was because I bore a cross they recognised. Reservation is intended to give those without opportunities a fair shot at life, it is not for those (like me) who have the wherewithal and suddenly find themselves in a self made conundrum.

Over time India has become adept at demanding reservations/quotas from international bodies. This country has got an exemption from signing the Non Proliferation Treaty which is a must for any country to trade with NSG countries. By doing so it has once again destroyed the value of the NPT, not to mention its impact on The Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty (CTBT) and the Fissile Material Treaty (FMT) international conventions that are trying to remove weapons of mass destruction.

This kind of demand for waiver in international fora though embarrassing is not unusual for India, this country lives off Reservations. It can be seen in the horse trading that occurs amongst our politicians, it is apparent everyday when people disobey traffic rules, it is apparent when building norms are thrown into the wind, in the way we celebrate festivals and marriages that spill out into the street and inconvenience the rest. Every Indian wants to be in a special category, every category wants to be recognised not for what they bring to the table but for the benefits they can accrue.

The Indian psyche is actually a selfish one, maybe it could be called a survivalist mentality to couch it in better terms, but the fact of the matter is we don’t care about what our actions have on others.

The NPT, CTBT and FMT are international treaties made by nuclear haves to ensure that no other country got their hands on such weapons though made in good faith is also a clear case of different rules for different people. Rajiv Gandhi at the UN said “"We cannot accept the logic that a few nations have the right to pursue their security by threatening the survival of mankind...nor is it acceptable that those who possess nuclear weapons are freed of all controls while those without nuclear weapons are policed against their production. History is full of such prejudices paraded as iron laws: That men are superior to women; that white races are superior to the coloured; that colonialism is a civilizing mission; (and) that those who possess nuclear weapons are responsible powers and those who do not are not."

India did propose a comprehensive action plan for a nuclear-free world within a specific time-frame at the third United Nations Special Session on Disarmament, in 1988. Nothing much has happened after that besides India testing another set of nuclear weapons in 1998 (which was another knife into these international treaties) and finally the NSG waiver that according to the Swiss government mean that “it will be necessary to conclude that the non-proliferation regime that we know has reached its end.”

So in the last decade India has been able to single handedly destroy an international treaty that has 189 signatories – we sure have become a global superpower.

It wouldn’t be wrong to say that the crown jewel of Indian science and technology – the nuclear establishment is being built on a policy of reservation. Indian Taxpayers money is being poured down an abyss, everything surrounding the nuclear establishment be it financial accountability, health of the workers and people staying in that area is all cloaked in secrecy. If that is not a form of reservation then what is? The fact that norms other public utilities have to follow do not govern the Indian Nuclear establishment shows there is a publicly accepted, government sanctioned Reservation for this entity. This huge pie is what the private industry wants to get their hands on. The fact that there is no accounting, that there is no one answerable to the public, that the government disburses money without a blink is what the private industry wants, they want a pie of the reservation.

What the waiver has done internationally is nothing compared to what the Indian public are going to face. A spew of reactors all over the country will increase the threat of accidents, will provide more avenues for terrorist attacks, will also increase the amount of nuclear waste that has to be dealt with. What is more ironic is that the very industry who were against reservation for the Indian public are going to be lining up to demand their 'fair' share in the nuclear reservation.

The Big Asks.

It has been said that there is no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid answers. Questions are conundrums that created philosophies, lead to scientific discoveries, to revolutions, to wars and conquests. Questions have also led to more mundane human things like love, loss, desire, hope, despair, greed, jealousy, unhappiness - things that are dealt with individually or with a close set of friends and family.

For the regular human questions are usually based on worth. Worth that is a perception of the self and of the other person and that is the fount of most questions. Everything from pay to relationships is based on this – and happy is the person who sees through it all. But until then the question remains.

Though questions are a means towards fulfillment it is not easy to question or ask. Therefore the BIG ASK.

Questions by their very function can be construed as points of vulnerability. A pay-hike request could have its birth in anything from a comparison with a colleague’s salary to the feeling that the money is not commiserate to the work all could be very justifiable though indicating a reassessment of worth. Before such a question is raised a lot of internal dialogue goes on everything from how will the question be perceived to what kind of answer will it beget to the response that would be necessary for the answer. It requires a steeling up that provides the impetus for the question to be asked.

One can handle such impersonal questions, but when it comes to matters that are little more personal boy-oh-boy do things get heated? Asking a woman for her hand in marriage is scary not only because the man is in effect forfeiting all his freedom and friends, but also because she may just say no. So on the one hand his present is looking pretty unsure (before he pops the question), his future is certainly bleak.

But BIG ASKS are not only about life and bank balance altering scenarios, they are also about the smaller stuff, like wanting to get to know a person. In such cases there are many BIG ASKS, from does one really want to get to know the person, to does the individual in question want to get known and what happens if after the BIG ASK the person indicates in the negative. There is always this argument which is very British, take it on the chin and don’t behave like a child. But that is just not possible, because BIG ASKS such as these are based on hope and desire two very basic, very human and very personal emotions that though nurtured in a vacuum of singleness can only blossom in the chaos of two.

One of the results of a BIG ASK is another BIG ASK which is ‘why’ followed by the remonstrations and the hind sight. But the good thing is that in BIG ASKS one never learns from hind sight because there is no such thing as a stupid question.

Pronunciation

Married people eat at

Found this en route home. These paper hoardings for C grade English movies are usually in black and white. The colored hues of this one is a surprise.

But the question is - what were the worries that transformed her and her ilk into 'deadly worriers' ?

Of the road

Rejections

Rejection, a stiletto so sharp –that it both amputates and cauterises in one single movement. However in the hands of an amateur the blood bath that follows would put to shame any abattoir.

There are many forms of rejections and many things are done to and with rejects. The one most spoken about is the rejection in relationships, but those have been done to death so lets move on (the antidote too) to other forms. Rejection of clothes - it may not be good enough for the outside market, but people kill for a branded rejection. Besides clothes, the other things that attract rejection are ideas, answers, proposals (not the ones on bended knee), manuscripts and articles to name but a few.

Almost all forms of rejection provide for the economy. Take for example the rejections of the heart – there are cards for those occasions, restaurants where the final blow is delivered or a shoulder provided, there are long rides that need to be taken, there is alcohol that needs to be drunk and beyond all this is retail therapy. Export rejects, the politically correct name for clothes that fall to quality’s keen eye, have a fan following as brands blind everyone.

The rejections that come from desk of an editor are the hardest to swallow. Invariably they are none, which means that a lot has to be read into the silence, if one is made of steel then one venture’s to ask, but that begets another wall of silence. However there are times when someone from the editors desk deigns to reply. Such moments can be of verbosity or of succinctness, a paragraph not only explaining the reasons for rejection but also wishing success in other attempts does soothe the frayed ego, a telegraphic ‘no’ provides enough kryptonite for another attempt.

If only these editorial pink slips could loose significance over time! But their effect does not dim. Therefore in this age of technology the blog is a perfect outlet for creativity. The fact that readership depends on happenstance does not diminish the delight in seeing ones name in ‘print’.

Even though the blog is an escape, rejections are just another source of creativity for an intrepid ‘rejectionist’.

I am onto 5 books as I write
1. How to get the best rejections ever
2. Getting over rejection
3. I was rejected and I survived
4. The secret life of a rejectionist

5. The rejectionists guide to success

Democracy and its working.

The Election Commission in its attempts to bring transparency and accountability into the election process has ensured that all candidates declare their assets as part of the filing of nomination process.

The recent elections in Karnataka were a case in point; one could say that prospective candidates washed their linen in public or they had skeletons walking out of their closets. It was a veritable ‘get-into-your-candidates-coffers’ offer. Newspapers detailed the amount of gold, cars, houses, fixed deposits, companies, loans, bank accounts that each candidate had. I bet it would have made any Income Tax officer salivate, helplessly – helplessly because the poor officer won’t be able to do much right now as any action would be termed as politically motivated and later would be nigh impossible.

It is such brazen honesty that permits one to stand for election, such brazen honesty gets votes, and it is such brazen honesty that guarantees adulation and even emulation. It is because of this brazen honesty that the last will and testament usually translates into a party ticket for the next generation.

But this form of honesty is not the only indications of an election process of a vibrant democracy. Things get shut down for elections, things like schools, things like government offices and even liquor shops.

Things are shut for a purpose – schools are shut down because that’s where the polling booths are set up and government teachers also become polling officers, government offices are shut down so that employees can fulfil their constitutional duties. Liquor shops are shut down quite a few days before the polling day – no not to ensure that everyone is sober enough to vote but to ensure that the common person does not vote according to the number of pegs he gets.

Because India is also a vibrant economy many things can be bought and sold, there is also a very lively barter system. Candidates not only sell esoteric things like promises - common to all candidates, they also buy voters, and sometimes they barter commodities for votes. One could look at it like this - political candidates have not only taken it on themselves to improve on the current fundamental rights but they also try to ensure that these rights reach people – even if for a few days. So we have politicians providing food and drink to people (right to good food and alcohol), some go further and even distribute silk saris (right to fine clothes).

And so we once again creep closer to another General Election – the great bizarre bazaar of democracy where not only will aspirants pick winning and loosing parties but the electorate will get all the attention it needs to choose winning and loosing candidates. The bazaar where the ‘consumer’ is like the emperor with no clothes, where there is no guarantee on the products chosen, where the products on display do not come with statutory warnings, where there is no chance of returning defective goods.

But this bazaar has been undergoing transformations over the years. People now know what one needs to be done for free and fair elections. Bangalore newspapers were full of photos of saris meant to clothe the electorate and food meant to feed the hungry being snatched away from the hands of well meaning candidates. There were photos of police being deputed to various polling stations. There were even public messages asking people to vote. It may take many more elections before one gets to revel in a democracy and a democratic process that stands on achievements but we are getting there.

Do our politicians suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder?

Attention Deficit Disorder has been a byword in US schools - any child not paying attention in school or is hyper active is immediately branded as having ADD. As if staying put in a small class was not enough ADD now empowers adults to pop pills into kids without the usual diatribe that follows a chemical experience. But ADD has cast its net wide and now grown ups in the US are also being diagnosed with ADD.

However keeping the Indian politician in mind I have tried to compare the characteristics of our politicians with those required for a child to be diagnosed with ADD.

In 1987 the American Psychiatric Association provided a list of characteristics that a child must display for 6 months or more, at least eight of the following characteristics prior to the age of 7 for the child to be diagnosed with ADD:

1. Fidgets, squirms or seem restless,

2. Has difficulty remaining seated,

3. Is easily distracted, has difficulty awaiting turn,

4. Blurts out answers, has difficulty following instructions,

5. Has difficulty sustaining attention,

6. Shifts from one uncompleted task to another,

7. Has difficulty playing quietly, talks excessively,

8. Interrupts or intrudes on others.

9. Does not seem to listen.

10. Often loses things necessary for tasks.

11. Frequently engages in dangerous actions.

And from these characteristics I can very safely argue that our politicians suffer from ADD

1. Fidgets, squirms or seems restless

This is noticeable especially before an election or when there is a reshuffling of cabinet seats. Politicians become restless and search for better opportunities else where.

2. Has difficulty remaining seated

Closely observed during parliamentary sessions when politicians keep getting up for incomprehensible reasons

3. Is easily distracted, has difficulty awaiting turn

A politician is easily distracted from his credo of ‘service to the electorate’ by the sudden appearance of money and personal profit. Also the politician’s use of revolving lights, security guards, and sirens indicates difficulty awaiting turn.

d. Blurts out answers, has difficulty following instructions

Seen most recently in the case of Arjun Singh, Jaswant Singh and George Fernandes.

4. Has difficulty sustaining attention

The researcher hasn’t yet found this characteristic in politicians. The researcher proposes a completely opposite characteristic – that of being able to sustain attention. For example the BJP still holds the attention of people with its Ram Card, the Congress speaks about Aam Admi, both play the religious and caste card. Infact all politicians plays these cards very well.

5. Shifts from one uncompleted task to another

Also explained as having a finger in more than one pie. Seen with the number of criminal cases these people have. Before they can be proved innocent/guilty in one case (and thus can pay for their crimes) they move on to another crime.

6. Has difficulty playing quietly, talks excessively

Blame game – the favourite sport of politicians happens in public and is never quite, it involves media spectacles and a lot of verbosity.

7. Interrupts or intrudes on others.

This characteristic is seen once again in Parliament where free speech implies shouting and other dignified political manners.

8. Does not seem to listen.

This should be elaborated to ‘does not seem to listen to constituency’. The condition of roads, services etc make a strong argument for this characteristic.

9. Often looses things necessary for tasks.

Memory – such an important thing for a politician is quite often lost. Seen most recently in the L K Advani cover up of his role in Kandahar.

10. Frequently engages in dangerous actions.

Speeches that generate hatred and social disharmony made by politicians, attempts to hand over agricultural land to business are but a few indications of another of the stated characteristics that point out that politicians are indeed afflicted with ADD.

The good thing is that ADD in politicians is not an incurable affliction nor does it need chemicals to deal with it. All we have to do is vote in better politicians in 2009.

Sometime soon and other such gems.

It was an offer to host a friendly get together of regular office faces that ended in an oft heard statement. The words traipsed down elegantly to meet the question ‘when?’. This innocuous question got an answer that bamboozled me.

‘Sometime soon’, the answer, is flummoxing, because even though there is a notion of immediacy it is vague enough in time to actually construe nothing.

‘Sometime’ when used as a measure of time is used on a scale between zero and infinity. While ‘soon’ has the promise of being more immediate. Combining both of gives birth to something meant to confuse the linear order that is time.

Communication! ahhh if only it would help break boundaries, if only reading between the lines did not imply staring at empty spaces. What’s worse is that the language does nothing to alleviate the problem.

Another word that fits in this time scale is ‘later’. Though this word does not give a clear indication of when, it is often construed as an implied promise to be fulfilled now than in the opaque of a distant future.

‘Later’, in such a context is usually used when someone is in a hurry and wants to cut the other person off to answer another call. It usually sounds like ‘will call you later’ followed by the autistic beeping of the phone. In this instance too ‘later’ can extend to a time slab that could extend from here to eternity.

In the same league of such ‘what-have-yous’ is the ‘yes but’. These two little words when spoken in the same breath give a certain dubiousness to the entire statement around it. There is an agreement and at the same time a certain level of indecision/disagreement which has not been defined and which can infact negate whatever the ‘yes’ promises.

One wonders about the brain that conceived such terms and the reason thereof. It could have been a lawyer or a diplomat, maybe a politician or just a way-word Joe who coined these weighty terms of no consequence. Whoever created such gems may not have helped further human communication but ensured that their use results in suspended-animation.

Escape

What's in a day?

It was International Women’s Day on the 8^th of March, like this there is an occasion for almost everyday. There is environment day, world water day, even a day for lovers etc etc, its almost like the Christian calendar where each day is dedicated to either the beatification, birth or death of a saint or the Good Lord. The Hindu calendar/almanac is however devoted to more planetary matters – the waxing and waning of the moon, the position of the planets etc etc.

The Hindu calendar is more about finding the most appropriate/auspicious day for the devout, while the Christian calendar is about dedications and remembrances so that the faithful can find occasion to sup in the reinvigorating spring of dead sainthood, and also invoke the blessed trio in the words of that dead saint.

Now the Hindu calendar and the Christian – ok Gregorian- calendar are quite different and the world unfortunately follows the Gregorian calendar. It would seem that the dedicating each day to a saint has inspired the world to dedicate days to various issues that are worldly pertinent, therefore occasions such as World Women’s Day on the 8^th of March.

Now with a more vocal section of a section of a particular community against western influences and Christian evangelism it is strange that the likes of VHP, Shiv Sena and other sentinels of Indian culture have not seen such occasions as another example of the sullying of ancient traditions.

It is indeed surprising that these undertakers have not seen this day as another example of the west’s nasty tentacles surreptitiously engulfing India in a perpetual embrace. For Christ’s sake what is the difference between a Valentines Day and Women’s day – there can’t be one without the other (no offence to the gay community). These are both occasions created by the west, worse still one had semi-religious connotations while the other celebrates womanhood which should appear strange to this vocal section used to eating first at home. Furthermore, Valentine’s Day would not be possible without women so therefore logically these custodians of Indian mores should be up in arms against anything that celebrates women.

Is it that they want to conserve their energies for a yearly concerted blitzkrieg? It does take a Goebble like deviousness and an Eichmann like efficiency to trash a few book stores selling cards, ransack hotels celebrating and slap a few lovers. Or is it that these clay modelers adept at making a mountain of a molehill have not yet got enough putty.

Such days are all about communicating; it’s about messages being transmitted through various mediums. The idea is about finding better methods of packing everything into 24 hours. This is what the ideologues of this ‘bandar sena’ have taken home and have come up with their own versions of such ‘days’ – for example the ‘ghar vapsi divas’ celebrates the return of the animistic tribal, ‘bought’ into Christianity, to the Hindu fold. This is also supposed to be a not-to-subtle kick in the teeth to the tribe of fisher-of-men.

Such nominated days, like these, are also used by governments and ministries to spend pots of money on advertisements on what they have done and are doing. So full page advertisements are printed in every daily with mug shots of the PM, the Chairman of the UPA and the head of the ministry, while rarefied conference rooms are booked for intellectuals debate.

The occasions have also become opportunities to get people to spend, so the Leela Galleria in Bangalore markets this day as one to get in touch with ones self through some yoga maestro and his beautiful socialite wife, while lounges plan to have welcome drinks and some jewellery shops promising discounts on gold.

One gets the feeling that these are used to make up for the lost 365 (depending on a leap year or not). Why should the world wake up, on the 8^th of March, to the importance of women (yes women are included in ‘world’). This is not an open invitation for the ‘you know who’ to go around slapping people and destroying property all the year round, Ram knows that they have found enough excuses in their version of Indian history to do so. These occasions are milestones, points to take stock and move forward – continuing, no bettering what was done in the last years.

* I have just been told that articles have been written about this - but I would like to add my two bits.

Loneliness is - - - - -

A full moon in an empty sky

Fat and the climate

The UK has recently decreed that the fat will have to pay more tax. This may seem pretty draconian what with everyone being politically correct and weight issues being linked to a variety of factors. The law conjures up the image of a tax man coming with a weighing scale. However, such a tax could not be more opportune.

But first on a more personal note – Like the Europeans of yore I am now in an expansionist mode. As I move from ‘ship-shape’ to ‘ship shaped’, my clothes live in constant fear that they will be down graded to hand-me-downs ‘cos there is a limit to how much I can tuck in my girth.

Clothes getting ‘bangalored’ has lead to a new form of humanitarian service, while making economic sense to others. Such clothes from the US are reaching the distant shores of Africa where they are destroying local textile industries. The question is how come there are so many clothes to give away – one reason could be that that Americans are hording copious amounts of fat. So they send these non-fitting clothes down south where it becomes an aspirational commodity no not to buy them but to fit into them. The subconscious message that percolates is that the ‘south’ can become the ‘north’ when and only when they fit into XL sizes.

This leads me to link current economic growth to girth and finally to grime/guano. Well looking at things around me I see a very visible relation. Take the SUV for example – it is huge, guzzles huge amounts of fuel like a perpetually thirsty camel and belches out copious amounts of smoke. Now to clothe such a machine requires large quantities of many materials – rexene/leather for the upholstery and so on and so forth. Going further the most polluting country in the world the US of A also has one of the highest numbers of fat people. The other countries ahead of it are from the south pacific -Samoa and others - who are going to sink not because of the number of fat people on it but because the US is doing more than enough to damage the climate (which would lead to sea level rise for one) along with other wannbe’s like India and China.

Now why did the UK propose such a tax? It’s not because more cloth is required to clothe the fat, nor is it that more food has to be put on a plate, or because they occupy more space. It is because in the long run they are going to cost the community a lot in medical expenses. So now we have a situation where the government is making it clear in no-uncertain terms that the fat should become fit or pay per Kg.

This logic is also quite applicable to industries and countries. Industries and countries that generate more carbon (and therefore use more carbon producing stuff) should be asked to change their ways or start coughing up more big bucks (not the best thing to do). The US and other climate killers should get their act together because their current size and growth patterns are already costing their citizens and the world community a lot and this cost is going to increase in the coming years.

The author understands that there are a variety of causes of obesity and one major cause is lack of access to good nutrition and easy access to cheap unhealthy packaged and fast foods, dietary choices and lack of exercise. Not forgetting the right to be fat .

The much appreciated chasm between ‘if’ and ‘when’

What’s in a word they say. Worse still others with nonchalance state ‘sticks and stones may break ----- but words will never---.’ But I have come to appreciate the subtle nuances of words.

As it happens when friends/relatives get married they try to increase the casualty list and area of damage by trying to hook up those unattached or by giving insights into this 'institution'.

So it came to pass that a recently married friend was giving me advice on the do’s and don’ts of marriage and married life – he said ‘when you get married----‘ and he continued. Much later I was mulling over his words and advice (which as you may have noticed is not free) when it hit me – the guy still carried a candle for me that’s what ‘when’ is all about. ‘When’ is about anticipation, about time – hey I could marry at 80 – but married I would be. ‘When’ is also about a continuation, of possibilities, about a light at the end of a dark tunnel. However, ‘if’ has a tone of finality in it, there is also a hint of a preconceived notion. With ‘if’ comes a variety of scenarios – Plan B’s etc, it’s the beginning of the formation of that heavy thunder cloud.

Samples using ‘if’ and ‘when’

1. We will play again when hell freezes over (or something to that effect said by the Eagles)
2. We will release the hostages if you free our jailed whoever. (said some terrorist, a hostage negotiator should perk up his ears when hearing the word IF)
3. I will give you an ice cream if you clean you room ( Mama dear does not know that she is providing the nutrients for the kid to either become a negotiator or a terrorist)
4. We will marry when you come back. (said the fair maiden to the knight)
5. We will marry if you come back. ( said the fair maiden this time meaning if and when you do, you will see me with kids and they wont be yours)

Many a boat has been sunk with ‘if’. But ‘when’ can do as much damage, if not more.

1. India – we will reduce carbon emissions when developed countries reduce
2. US – We will reduce carbon emissions when India and others reduce
3. Father to prospective groom – come back when you earn a million dollars (yes that is hope for some and catalyst for many a book)
   

I could end this with

“if you need to use ‘if’, when you are in conversation with someone please use it with care”

or

“when you need to use ‘if’, if you are in conversation with someone please use it with care”

But nothing takes the cake like the repartee between Churchill and Shaw when Shaw invited him for his play.

Churchill to Shaw – Sorry cant make it, will come for the show tomorrow if there is one

Shaw – Sure, Come with your friend if you have one.

Is equity sustainable?

The next time I hear the word ‘equity’ I am going to take it with a pinch of salt especially after what Ratan Tata has done for ‘equity’ for the Indian.

The story goes that he was ensconced in his nice AC car well protected from the vagaries of the weather when he happened to pass a family on a scooter – soaked – bearing the brunt of the rains. His heart immediately reached out to them with a thought ‘a would car protect them from the rain’ and there and then he resolved to build a car that would be affordable by ahem those who are, as some would have it. ‘less affluent’.

Now this Johnny be good could have thought some of the following thoughts

1. Hmmm! I have a vehicle manufacturing unit, I wonder how much do my vehicles contribute to carbon emissions?
2. Hmm! My companies proudly trumpet their CSR, why don’t I donate buses to cities to improve public transportation.
3. Hmm! I wonder why there are so many vehicles on the road and what can I do about it?

But no the ‘great one’ made a promise to himself that he would create a peoples car (a term coined for the Maruti 800). And when he unveiled the car he loudly proclaimed ‘a promise is a promise’. He is being equated to Henry Ford because he, in a way, like Ford did to America is putting India on wheels. Unfortunately the comparison rings hollow - Ford was a true pioneer because he initially used hemp for his car, Ford was a pioneer because he bettered the assembly line which was being used in the meat packing industry to enhance car production, Ford was a pioneer because he built a car that had to deal with almost no roads. But today things are different. The criteria to equate Tata to Ford would be if Tata were to create a cheap solar powered car or if he were to improve the public transport system or if created a car that was a cradle-to-grave product or manufactured out of recycled material.

If at all Ratan Tata goes down in history it is because he has made the idea of ‘equity’ unsustainable.

It is truly surprising that the person every one believes is one of India’s astute businessmen (with a conscience at that) is myopic enough to select a ‘cheap car’ as a solution for a lack of protection and mobility.

His attempt to bring equity was through the ‘consumption route’. He has provided a car that is cheap (not actually if one considers the subsidies he has been gifted) and therefore those who were not able to purchase car can now do so, I don’t use the term ‘afford’ because their income remains the same.

So where the problem is actually of transportation he provides a solution of choice. This means that more people will be able to buy things which they actually would not need if they were provided with a suitable alternative. The idea of increasing ones consumption as a process of equity is nothing new it was earlier called ‘keeping up with the Joneses’. But now there is need for morality and the facade of conscience because at the end of the day it is just another business proposition which leaves the world a little more uninhabitable.

All debate about the Nano and its possible deleterious effects are cut short with questions ‘how can you deny people their right to buy a car?’. Tata rides the high horse of giving those who did not have a chance to own a car to now own one, he wears the bullet and barb proof jacket of the Nano enhancing equity because those without a car (a sure sign of inequity) can get one.

This short sighted view of how the problem of inequity should be solved is not very good for sustainability, for one more resources are going to be used and more energy will be required to produce and to run it and its production is going to generate waste not only in the factory but in the mining of resources required for it.

Phew! This is just the beginning, then there is the question of durability - not only of the parts but also of the car itself. And no matter how fuel efficient the car there will still be carbon emissions.

If equity was his concern (as he claims it to be) then he could have

1. Paid the real cost for the land in Singur
2. Made transportation accessible to all.

-for a start

There will be those who say that there are other companies who are doing the same thing – producing, polluting and providing cheap things thereby making it accessible to everyone – so what is Tata doing wrong. There is no denying this and such companies make no bones about it being a good business proposition. The fact of the matter is Ratan Tata is at heart a businessman who had a brilliant idea - no not of a cheap car but of wrapping the car in the cloak of ‘equity’.

It frightens me to think of what he will think of as a solution when he sees the plight of the uneducated, the hungry, the sick and the unemployed.

How much is enough?

The good news from India is not only that those with 10 houses (cars and planes for that matter) now have twenty, but these achievements make the headlines. This could mean many things - they are an indicator of how well the economy is doing, that there is no other news worth reporting, that these players are becoming the ‘who’s who’ in the world map, that they want to do more things with money other than accumulate it (never share it though), that the only criteria for success is the number zeroes to a name, that the media thinks they are the next role models or they a more interesting economic index than the Nifty 50 and other such indices.

They may not all be true, but they are all making the transition to becoming truths and relevant today. A friend of mine tells me about this 24 year old who wants to own a Maybach by the age of thirty. There is a growing belief that the degree of success is directly proportional to the ability to flaunt it. Sure, as children success was guaranteed to get a prize, a mention in the roll call, or a gift from the parents, the size of the prize did not matter, what was of consequence was a new standard was recognized.

Does this point to a lack of imagination of the current work force? For everyone to choose and even recognize the same criteria for success points to either a society getting dumb (okay numb) or society taking the simplest way out (success is valid only if it can be economically measured and therefore recognizable and if others aspire to it). So we have advertisements that hark on success in terms of a big car, a big house or reports such as those mentioned. Take for example the stories that ran when Tendulkar got a Ferrari- papers made it out to be that one world champion was recognizing another, but the fact of the matter was that Schumacher had very little idea of cricket and for that matter Tendulkar. But there wasn’t a peep when Tendulkar refused to pay customs duty on the car, the government had to acquiesce and allow the car to come in without any duty – which means that Indians lost out on money that would have benefited them – in some ways the car belongs to every Indian and therefore it wouldn’t be a crime if each one of us went put a little dent into the car. But the point is because we Indians thought that getting a car as a gift was evidence of this mans success he was allowed to make demands on the government that actually should have put him and everyone else to shame.

But getting back to our lack of imagination in defining success, it has consequences in just about everything we do. Take for example the case of Medha Patekar does society consider her and her achievements as a success. How many parents would want their children to emulate her? How many parents would state proudly that their children work for her organization, or for that matter how many youth would work for her cause? Now take the case of the Ambani brothers and get the same questions answered. It has become so bad that Pogo, a children’s TV channel, asks children to choose actors and their movies for awards – both which have no relation to children, and then the likes of MTV Youth Icon awards have nominees like Orkut, a Rang De Basanti (a movie) and the only human Abhishek Bachan in their list of nominees – Orkut won, the previous awardees included Anil Ambani (a businessman), Shah Rukh Khan (an actor), Rahul Dravid and Dhoni (cricketers).

And recently there were headlines around India about the billion dollars spent by a few mega rich Indians to buy cricket teams in cities around India. The Indian Premier League created by the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) is truly a defining moment in Indian history – never has so much money been spent by so few Indians on so few Indians. No body has questioned the need for the BCCI to create another league when there are already cricket leagues. Nobody has questioned the appropriateness for these few people to spend so much money on a group of players who are already extremely well off.

Nobody does it because everybody wants to emulate this form of success. There does not seem to be a price that one has to pay when one is so rich.

It is not good enough that these people are feted when they pay taxes – the reason they can pay so much in tax is because there are others who are not earning an income, because there are others who sleep in slums, because there are others who cannot afford to send their children to school.

Fortune and fame go hand in hand and maybe the Indian government should provide other avenues for these fortunate ones to add to their fame. These rich should spend a certain percentage of their money on the public good and they can name the roads, the free schools and hospitals they build after themselves. This for one would ensure that these things would never go into decay because the egos of the rich would ensure that their names were not associated with anything moribund, more importantly because this would truly make India a country which is built on the foundations of equity, justice and equality.

Small towns and a little bit of fish

When fellow Indians ask me where I am from, I say Nagpur and then to make things interesting I say that it is in the very centre of India and that all North-South and East-West trains pass through this city. Impressed, they ask me a little more about it and I speak about the two flyovers we have and the 3 malls and I end with ‘Nagpur is a small town with big city dreams’.

All small towns and their people have that ambition; it can be seen noticed in a variety of ways. I was in Orissa recently and observed some of the ways these places attempt to make their dreams reality.

The use of English in advertisement boards and the type of food sold are two of the most visible ways. A food stall built over a hand cart has boldly writ ‘Indian Chart’ over it. One is not sure whether the entrepreneur’s intention was to point out the engineering innovations and wanted to write ‘Indian Cart’ or was intending to advertise the cuisine served -‘Indian Chaat’ or was just showing his route to success. The presence of a food outlet serving Chinese (or what goes as Chinese) surrounded by others that serve the local cuisine is a pointer to where the town is heading. The place I saw had the necessary accoutrements that indicated the food served – a big wok, large bottles of soy sauce, chilli sauce, tomato sauce and a mound of boiled noodles.

I spent time on a fishing trawler, fishermen are known to be good cooks and I was looking forward to some good fish curry and rice. We passed a variety of fishing boats as we headed into sea. Our progress into bluer water coincided with the progress the cook was making in the kitchen. There were constant updates from the kitchen – the breeze brought us information of the oil being heated, the aroma of freshly frying onions hit us next, the addition of turmeric and red chilli powder was duly announced - we followed every addition to the evolving curry with our noses. These aromas were interspersed with offerings of freshly fried fish that the kitchen would send over.

These offerings resulted in the a paucity of fish for the curry – so the captain took matters into his hands and radioed other trawlers and asked them if they had any fresh fish – soon we had trawlers stopping for us with fish that we bought.

So at around 3 pm we finally got to eat what our noses were telling us about – it was delicious.

Coming Back

One of my colleagues played Ozzie Osborne’s ‘Mama I am coming home’ when I told them I was going home for the holidays. I am not sure if the lyrics reflect this simple journey but it seemed to be a momentous occasion.

There is an innate sense of anticipation on the journey home, an eagerness that has got to do with a sense of familiarity that encompasses known faces, familiar terrain and other things that act as happy leitmotifs.

However, there is a stage in life when these leitmotifs get to become a little more sober. It does seem that the time gap between two home comings shrink and it was just yesterday that one was making the same journey. But the vast sweep of impact, of that time, on peoples life’s is breathtaking it gets personal – more grey hair, more spines that are bent, more sickness related to age, memories of once lively and healthy people created by their current debilitating bedridden state. A general question about somebody gets the overtone of whether the person is alive or is on the way out.

This is what struck me when I got back home. However there also was this scent of freshness from the youngsters who I saw last as babies, of youngsters who are now parents with children of their own.

The shoes remain the same but there is a production line of people who fill them over time and I am part of that production line.