The Big Asks.

It has been said that there is no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid answers. Questions are conundrums that created philosophies, lead to scientific discoveries, to revolutions, to wars and conquests. Questions have also led to more mundane human things like love, loss, desire, hope, despair, greed, jealousy, unhappiness - things that are dealt with individually or with a close set of friends and family.

For the regular human questions are usually based on worth. Worth that is a perception of the self and of the other person and that is the fount of most questions. Everything from pay to relationships is based on this – and happy is the person who sees through it all. But until then the question remains.

Though questions are a means towards fulfillment it is not easy to question or ask. Therefore the BIG ASK.

Questions by their very function can be construed as points of vulnerability. A pay-hike request could have its birth in anything from a comparison with a colleague’s salary to the feeling that the money is not commiserate to the work all could be very justifiable though indicating a reassessment of worth. Before such a question is raised a lot of internal dialogue goes on everything from how will the question be perceived to what kind of answer will it beget to the response that would be necessary for the answer. It requires a steeling up that provides the impetus for the question to be asked.

One can handle such impersonal questions, but when it comes to matters that are little more personal boy-oh-boy do things get heated? Asking a woman for her hand in marriage is scary not only because the man is in effect forfeiting all his freedom and friends, but also because she may just say no. So on the one hand his present is looking pretty unsure (before he pops the question), his future is certainly bleak.

But BIG ASKS are not only about life and bank balance altering scenarios, they are also about the smaller stuff, like wanting to get to know a person. In such cases there are many BIG ASKS, from does one really want to get to know the person, to does the individual in question want to get known and what happens if after the BIG ASK the person indicates in the negative. There is always this argument which is very British, take it on the chin and don’t behave like a child. But that is just not possible, because BIG ASKS such as these are based on hope and desire two very basic, very human and very personal emotions that though nurtured in a vacuum of singleness can only blossom in the chaos of two.

One of the results of a BIG ASK is another BIG ASK which is ‘why’ followed by the remonstrations and the hind sight. But the good thing is that in BIG ASKS one never learns from hind sight because there is no such thing as a stupid question.