Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The much appreciated chasm between ‘if’ and ‘when’

What’s in a word they say. Worse still others with nonchalance state ‘sticks and stones may break ----- but words will never---.’ But I have come to appreciate the subtle nuances of words.

As it happens when friends/relatives get married they try to increase the casualty list and area of damage by trying to hook up those unattached or by giving insights into this 'institution'.

So it came to pass that a recently married friend was giving me advice on the do’s and don’ts of marriage and married life – he said ‘when you get married----‘ and he continued. Much later I was mulling over his words and advice (which as you may have noticed is not free) when it hit me – the guy still carried a candle for me that’s what ‘when’ is all about. ‘When’ is about anticipation, about time – hey I could marry at 80 – but married I would be. ‘When’ is also about a continuation, of possibilities, about a light at the end of a dark tunnel. However, ‘if’ has a tone of finality in it, there is also a hint of a preconceived notion. With ‘if’ comes a variety of scenarios – Plan B’s etc, it’s the beginning of the formation of that heavy thunder cloud.

Samples using ‘if’ and ‘when’

  1. We will play again when hell freezes over (or something to that effect said by the Eagles)
  2. We will release the hostages if you free our jailed whoever. (said some terrorist, a hostage negotiator should perk up his ears when hearing the word IF)
  3. I will give you an ice cream if you clean you room ( Mama dear does not know that she is providing the nutrients for the kid to either become a negotiator or a terrorist)
  4. We will marry when you come back. (said the fair maiden to the knight)
  5. We will marry if you come back. ( said the fair maiden this time meaning if and when you do, you will see me with kids and they wont be yours)

Many a boat has been sunk with ‘if’. But ‘when’ can do as much damage, if not more.

  1. India – we will reduce carbon emissions when developed countries reduce
  2. US – We will reduce carbon emissions when India and others reduce
  3. Father to prospective groom – come back when you earn a million dollars (yes that is hope for some and catalyst for many a book)

I could end this with

“if you need to use ‘if’, when you are in conversation with someone please use it with care”

or

“when you need to use ‘if’, if you are in conversation with someone please use it with care”

But nothing takes the cake like the repartee between Churchill and Shaw when Shaw invited him for his play.

Churchill to Shaw – Sorry cant make it, will come for the show tomorrow if there is one

Shaw – Sure, Come with your friend if you have one.