Do our politicians suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder?

Attention Deficit Disorder has been a byword in US schools - any child not paying attention in school or is hyper active is immediately branded as having ADD. As if staying put in a small class was not enough ADD now empowers adults to pop pills into kids without the usual diatribe that follows a chemical experience. But ADD has cast its net wide and now grown ups in the US are also being diagnosed with ADD.

However keeping the Indian politician in mind I have tried to compare the characteristics of our politicians with those required for a child to be diagnosed with ADD.

In 1987 the American Psychiatric Association provided a list of characteristics that a child must display for 6 months or more, at least eight of the following characteristics prior to the age of 7 for the child to be diagnosed with ADD:

1. Fidgets, squirms or seem restless,

2. Has difficulty remaining seated,

3. Is easily distracted, has difficulty awaiting turn,

4. Blurts out answers, has difficulty following instructions,

5. Has difficulty sustaining attention,

6. Shifts from one uncompleted task to another,

7. Has difficulty playing quietly, talks excessively,

8. Interrupts or intrudes on others.

9. Does not seem to listen.

10. Often loses things necessary for tasks.

11. Frequently engages in dangerous actions.

And from these characteristics I can very safely argue that our politicians suffer from ADD

1. Fidgets, squirms or seems restless

This is noticeable especially before an election or when there is a reshuffling of cabinet seats. Politicians become restless and search for better opportunities else where.

2. Has difficulty remaining seated

Closely observed during parliamentary sessions when politicians keep getting up for incomprehensible reasons

3. Is easily distracted, has difficulty awaiting turn

A politician is easily distracted from his credo of ‘service to the electorate’ by the sudden appearance of money and personal profit. Also the politician’s use of revolving lights, security guards, and sirens indicates difficulty awaiting turn.

d. Blurts out answers, has difficulty following instructions

Seen most recently in the case of Arjun Singh, Jaswant Singh and George Fernandes.

4. Has difficulty sustaining attention

The researcher hasn’t yet found this characteristic in politicians. The researcher proposes a completely opposite characteristic – that of being able to sustain attention. For example the BJP still holds the attention of people with its Ram Card, the Congress speaks about Aam Admi, both play the religious and caste card. Infact all politicians plays these cards very well.

5. Shifts from one uncompleted task to another

Also explained as having a finger in more than one pie. Seen with the number of criminal cases these people have. Before they can be proved innocent/guilty in one case (and thus can pay for their crimes) they move on to another crime.

6. Has difficulty playing quietly, talks excessively

Blame game – the favourite sport of politicians happens in public and is never quite, it involves media spectacles and a lot of verbosity.

7. Interrupts or intrudes on others.

This characteristic is seen once again in Parliament where free speech implies shouting and other dignified political manners.

8. Does not seem to listen.

This should be elaborated to ‘does not seem to listen to constituency’. The condition of roads, services etc make a strong argument for this characteristic.

9. Often looses things necessary for tasks.

Memory – such an important thing for a politician is quite often lost. Seen most recently in the L K Advani cover up of his role in Kandahar.

10. Frequently engages in dangerous actions.

Speeches that generate hatred and social disharmony made by politicians, attempts to hand over agricultural land to business are but a few indications of another of the stated characteristics that point out that politicians are indeed afflicted with ADD.

The good thing is that ADD in politicians is not an incurable affliction nor does it need chemicals to deal with it. All we have to do is vote in better politicians in 2009.

Sometime soon and other such gems.

It was an offer to host a friendly get together of regular office faces that ended in an oft heard statement. The words traipsed down elegantly to meet the question ‘when?’. This innocuous question got an answer that bamboozled me.

‘Sometime soon’, the answer, is flummoxing, because even though there is a notion of immediacy it is vague enough in time to actually construe nothing.

‘Sometime’ when used as a measure of time is used on a scale between zero and infinity. While ‘soon’ has the promise of being more immediate. Combining both of gives birth to something meant to confuse the linear order that is time.

Communication! ahhh if only it would help break boundaries, if only reading between the lines did not imply staring at empty spaces. What’s worse is that the language does nothing to alleviate the problem.

Another word that fits in this time scale is ‘later’. Though this word does not give a clear indication of when, it is often construed as an implied promise to be fulfilled now than in the opaque of a distant future.

‘Later’, in such a context is usually used when someone is in a hurry and wants to cut the other person off to answer another call. It usually sounds like ‘will call you later’ followed by the autistic beeping of the phone. In this instance too ‘later’ can extend to a time slab that could extend from here to eternity.

In the same league of such ‘what-have-yous’ is the ‘yes but’. These two little words when spoken in the same breath give a certain dubiousness to the entire statement around it. There is an agreement and at the same time a certain level of indecision/disagreement which has not been defined and which can infact negate whatever the ‘yes’ promises.

One wonders about the brain that conceived such terms and the reason thereof. It could have been a lawyer or a diplomat, maybe a politician or just a way-word Joe who coined these weighty terms of no consequence. Whoever created such gems may not have helped further human communication but ensured that their use results in suspended-animation.

Escape

What's in a day?

It was International Women’s Day on the 8^th of March, like this there is an occasion for almost everyday. There is environment day, world water day, even a day for lovers etc etc, its almost like the Christian calendar where each day is dedicated to either the beatification, birth or death of a saint or the Good Lord. The Hindu calendar/almanac is however devoted to more planetary matters – the waxing and waning of the moon, the position of the planets etc etc.

The Hindu calendar is more about finding the most appropriate/auspicious day for the devout, while the Christian calendar is about dedications and remembrances so that the faithful can find occasion to sup in the reinvigorating spring of dead sainthood, and also invoke the blessed trio in the words of that dead saint.

Now the Hindu calendar and the Christian – ok Gregorian- calendar are quite different and the world unfortunately follows the Gregorian calendar. It would seem that the dedicating each day to a saint has inspired the world to dedicate days to various issues that are worldly pertinent, therefore occasions such as World Women’s Day on the 8^th of March.

Now with a more vocal section of a section of a particular community against western influences and Christian evangelism it is strange that the likes of VHP, Shiv Sena and other sentinels of Indian culture have not seen such occasions as another example of the sullying of ancient traditions.

It is indeed surprising that these undertakers have not seen this day as another example of the west’s nasty tentacles surreptitiously engulfing India in a perpetual embrace. For Christ’s sake what is the difference between a Valentines Day and Women’s day – there can’t be one without the other (no offence to the gay community). These are both occasions created by the west, worse still one had semi-religious connotations while the other celebrates womanhood which should appear strange to this vocal section used to eating first at home. Furthermore, Valentine’s Day would not be possible without women so therefore logically these custodians of Indian mores should be up in arms against anything that celebrates women.

Is it that they want to conserve their energies for a yearly concerted blitzkrieg? It does take a Goebble like deviousness and an Eichmann like efficiency to trash a few book stores selling cards, ransack hotels celebrating and slap a few lovers. Or is it that these clay modelers adept at making a mountain of a molehill have not yet got enough putty.

Such days are all about communicating; it’s about messages being transmitted through various mediums. The idea is about finding better methods of packing everything into 24 hours. This is what the ideologues of this ‘bandar sena’ have taken home and have come up with their own versions of such ‘days’ – for example the ‘ghar vapsi divas’ celebrates the return of the animistic tribal, ‘bought’ into Christianity, to the Hindu fold. This is also supposed to be a not-to-subtle kick in the teeth to the tribe of fisher-of-men.

Such nominated days, like these, are also used by governments and ministries to spend pots of money on advertisements on what they have done and are doing. So full page advertisements are printed in every daily with mug shots of the PM, the Chairman of the UPA and the head of the ministry, while rarefied conference rooms are booked for intellectuals debate.

The occasions have also become opportunities to get people to spend, so the Leela Galleria in Bangalore markets this day as one to get in touch with ones self through some yoga maestro and his beautiful socialite wife, while lounges plan to have welcome drinks and some jewellery shops promising discounts on gold.

One gets the feeling that these are used to make up for the lost 365 (depending on a leap year or not). Why should the world wake up, on the 8^th of March, to the importance of women (yes women are included in ‘world’). This is not an open invitation for the ‘you know who’ to go around slapping people and destroying property all the year round, Ram knows that they have found enough excuses in their version of Indian history to do so. These occasions are milestones, points to take stock and move forward – continuing, no bettering what was done in the last years.

* I have just been told that articles have been written about this - but I would like to add my two bits.

Loneliness is - - - - -

A full moon in an empty sky

Fat and the climate

The UK has recently decreed that the fat will have to pay more tax. This may seem pretty draconian what with everyone being politically correct and weight issues being linked to a variety of factors. The law conjures up the image of a tax man coming with a weighing scale. However, such a tax could not be more opportune.

But first on a more personal note – Like the Europeans of yore I am now in an expansionist mode. As I move from ‘ship-shape’ to ‘ship shaped’, my clothes live in constant fear that they will be down graded to hand-me-downs ‘cos there is a limit to how much I can tuck in my girth.

Clothes getting ‘bangalored’ has lead to a new form of humanitarian service, while making economic sense to others. Such clothes from the US are reaching the distant shores of Africa where they are destroying local textile industries. The question is how come there are so many clothes to give away – one reason could be that that Americans are hording copious amounts of fat. So they send these non-fitting clothes down south where it becomes an aspirational commodity no not to buy them but to fit into them. The subconscious message that percolates is that the ‘south’ can become the ‘north’ when and only when they fit into XL sizes.

This leads me to link current economic growth to girth and finally to grime/guano. Well looking at things around me I see a very visible relation. Take the SUV for example – it is huge, guzzles huge amounts of fuel like a perpetually thirsty camel and belches out copious amounts of smoke. Now to clothe such a machine requires large quantities of many materials – rexene/leather for the upholstery and so on and so forth. Going further the most polluting country in the world the US of A also has one of the highest numbers of fat people. The other countries ahead of it are from the south pacific -Samoa and others - who are going to sink not because of the number of fat people on it but because the US is doing more than enough to damage the climate (which would lead to sea level rise for one) along with other wannbe’s like India and China.

Now why did the UK propose such a tax? It’s not because more cloth is required to clothe the fat, nor is it that more food has to be put on a plate, or because they occupy more space. It is because in the long run they are going to cost the community a lot in medical expenses. So now we have a situation where the government is making it clear in no-uncertain terms that the fat should become fit or pay per Kg.

This logic is also quite applicable to industries and countries. Industries and countries that generate more carbon (and therefore use more carbon producing stuff) should be asked to change their ways or start coughing up more big bucks (not the best thing to do). The US and other climate killers should get their act together because their current size and growth patterns are already costing their citizens and the world community a lot and this cost is going to increase in the coming years.

The author understands that there are a variety of causes of obesity and one major cause is lack of access to good nutrition and easy access to cheap unhealthy packaged and fast foods, dietary choices and lack of exercise. Not forgetting the right to be fat .

The much appreciated chasm between ‘if’ and ‘when’

What’s in a word they say. Worse still others with nonchalance state ‘sticks and stones may break ----- but words will never---.’ But I have come to appreciate the subtle nuances of words.

As it happens when friends/relatives get married they try to increase the casualty list and area of damage by trying to hook up those unattached or by giving insights into this 'institution'.

So it came to pass that a recently married friend was giving me advice on the do’s and don’ts of marriage and married life – he said ‘when you get married----‘ and he continued. Much later I was mulling over his words and advice (which as you may have noticed is not free) when it hit me – the guy still carried a candle for me that’s what ‘when’ is all about. ‘When’ is about anticipation, about time – hey I could marry at 80 – but married I would be. ‘When’ is also about a continuation, of possibilities, about a light at the end of a dark tunnel. However, ‘if’ has a tone of finality in it, there is also a hint of a preconceived notion. With ‘if’ comes a variety of scenarios – Plan B’s etc, it’s the beginning of the formation of that heavy thunder cloud.

Samples using ‘if’ and ‘when’

1. We will play again when hell freezes over (or something to that effect said by the Eagles)
2. We will release the hostages if you free our jailed whoever. (said some terrorist, a hostage negotiator should perk up his ears when hearing the word IF)
3. I will give you an ice cream if you clean you room ( Mama dear does not know that she is providing the nutrients for the kid to either become a negotiator or a terrorist)
4. We will marry when you come back. (said the fair maiden to the knight)
5. We will marry if you come back. ( said the fair maiden this time meaning if and when you do, you will see me with kids and they wont be yours)

Many a boat has been sunk with ‘if’. But ‘when’ can do as much damage, if not more.

1. India – we will reduce carbon emissions when developed countries reduce
2. US – We will reduce carbon emissions when India and others reduce
3. Father to prospective groom – come back when you earn a million dollars (yes that is hope for some and catalyst for many a book)
   

I could end this with

“if you need to use ‘if’, when you are in conversation with someone please use it with care”

or

“when you need to use ‘if’, if you are in conversation with someone please use it with care”

But nothing takes the cake like the repartee between Churchill and Shaw when Shaw invited him for his play.

Churchill to Shaw – Sorry cant make it, will come for the show tomorrow if there is one

Shaw – Sure, Come with your friend if you have one.