I can claim to be an expert on the Goan
marriage, I have been to the altar thrice, but the bells have pealed to
herald another’s wedding. The chimes have got nothing to do with the
rationale of giving the sobriquet of Bestman to the person not marrying.
Being a Bestman has given me an opportunity to be part of Goan weddings
without having to bear the ring of the aftermath.
A Goan marriage is not made in heaven;
it’s the sum of many choices, parts and roles. Though choosing a mate is
key, there are many other crossroads like creating the right religious
ceremony, venue choice, menu selection for the reception, the music and
the ambience. It takes family veterans to pull this off.
If love hasn’t blinded and beguiled the
eligible women and men to the altar, families step in. Photographs of
the prospective bride/groom are made and distributed to match – makers
with a CV and a brief on what the family is looking for. They are not
official marriage bureaus, but members of society interested in repaying
the favour, usually housewives or retired women, with a few males.
Match-makers have a genius to file and
extricate information. Their elephantine memory reaches back in time to
get details for possible matches. Like putting together a jig-saw
puzzle, they pick up snippets like family background, education,
ambition, willingness to relocate, etc., to find the right fit. On
finding something suitable the match-maker informs both sides. With the
surfeit of information provided in the CV’s combined with the photo,
families begin making discrete enquiries about each other to verify each
other’s credentials. If all things align a meeting is arranged between
the boy and girl by the matchmaker or the boy’s family.
In Goa these meetings are held at the
coffee shop of Hotel Mandovi. Old fashioned families send a chaperone
along with the girl or her parent’s get a discrete table. The choice of
place shows the level of detail that goes into the matchmaking process.
The place is spacious and service slow and unobtrusive.
If the tinder shows combustibility the
couple spend time peeling the layers trying to get to know each other.
Sightings of the couple at feasts are portentous. The engagement is
announced and the party is hosted by the girl’s family, it is a family
affair – food and alcohol are at their best, served on family cutlery
passed down through generations. Rings are exchanged; the couple
blushingly oblige a kiss under peer pressure.
This lip-lock heralds the next stage
which is the planning for the wedding. Hidden in the mundane of choosing
party halls, sifting through invitee lists and comparing menus of
other marriages and those offered by caterers are esoteric decisions
like gospel readings for the service; decorations for the church and
hall; heights of the flower girls and page boys; and attire. All
occasions for the couple’s first major fight.
There is the usual fracas of the bridal
gown, never has so much money and tears flowed for a piece of cloth that
will be worn for a few hours. Things are practical for the groom as a
suit can be worn for different occasions. A few days before the wedding
each family has the Roas, a Goan version of a haldi ceremony. Konkani
songs are sung and the elders of the family bless the boy/girl.
On the Day, relatives gather in the
respective houses where a meal is spread and eaten while clothes are
ironed, babies bathed and last minute decisions made; in one room
beauticians add finishing touches to the ladies. Things swing between
chaos and calm. Men who have been through this winepress remember their
big day; sharing horror stories. The groom is immune. An official
photographer shuttles between the houses photographing pre-decided
poses.
The decorated church is now filled with
people and the groom waiting for the bride. Not many know the hymns as
the nuptials are made special by choosing those rarely sung. This need
for ceremonial uniqueness is a ritual followed by everybody. Ultimately,
there are commonalities – couples offer, at the altar, things which are
dear to them accompanied by a brief explanation. All offer a model of a
house (the design will differ) with the prayer for a happy home, the
Bible for a prayerful family etc. These can lead to bloopers; for a
lawyer’s wedding a copy of the Indian Constitution was offered with the
statement that they would ‘try to uphold it in their practise’.
Once the mass is over, people head for
the reception joining those who gave the nuptials a miss. The hired MC
checks the mike while the band tunes their instruments. The bride and
groom go for a short ride in their bedecked car to ensure that they
enter to a packed hall.
The band strikes up the ‘Bridal March’
and the couple enter, followed by their proud parents and relatives.
They end up at the centre where an elaborate cake has been set up under a
larger version of the centre piece. The MC cracks a few recognisable
jokes. The cake is cut and the centre piece is manipulated to shower
the couple with confetti.
A toast to the couple is raised by a
close friend or a family member. The groom does not bat an eyelid as
skeletons tumble out of the closet to everyone’s delight. The groom
replies, which now includes a vote of thanks to the caterers and band,
the Bride also pipes in.
The newly wed couple take the floor for
the first dance to a song specially chosen by them. For flawlessness,
the couple would have practised their steps before, the parents and
then everyone else joins in. The music for the evening, like the attires
of the guests, varies from modern to the old.
Snacks include – croquettes, elfin sized
rainbow sandwiches, rissois- prawn savouries, cheese toasties etc. The
bar does service to the Goan’s love for a good tipple.
The buffet table reflects the Goan’s
secular palate. Representatives from various hooved and Piscean species
share space with the fowl. The much loved pig comes into its own here; a
roasted piglet, dishes like Sorpotel and Cabidela indicate the
versatility of this animal vilified in Orwell’s Animal Farm. Salted
tongue, rice, Goan bread, prawn curry; Chicken Xacuti find place. There
are North Indian vegetarian and recognisable continental dishes.
Desserts include Bebinca, a multilayered
egg yolk based sweet; Letria, which is egg based; Dedos-de-Dama,
coconut based; san rival, which uses almonds; and Burnt Custard
pudding. The North is also represented. In the hurly burly the
Matchmaker is quietly thanked and introduced to other families. She also
keeps her eyes open for the eligible.
Things wind down by 12. The bride and
groom finally have a chance to sit; someone brings leftovers from the
buffet for them. It does provide an indication of what life has in store
for them – there will be many opportunities for them but only some will
finally make it to their plate.
(Lookout for my soon to be published travelogue ’1400 bananas, 76 towns and 1 million people)
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